Awkward Averted

I’m going to tell a little story today... about a girl who narrowly escaped the most awkward situation of her life. Surprise! It’s me!

Ok so, let me set the scene; you’re super excited because you just found out that your best friend and your boyfriend’s best friend are engaged AND getting married in Jamaica! OMG so exciting. You start planning and preparing, picking out bridesmaid dresses and sending invitations. Then you almost pee yourself and cry at the same time when you receive some startling news; the ex boyfriend is also coming on said vacation.

Now this isn’t just any old ex boyfriend, one of the random forget-his-names that lasted about as long as Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety, it’s THE ex boyfriend. The high-school love, virginity stealing, move away to University together ex boyfriend. It’s also worth mentioning that this ex boyfriend and the current boyfriend HATE each other. The ex took the breakup pretty hard, I used my signature break-up tactic, so he has obviously been pining over me ever since (what can I say, I’m hard to forget).

yaayyy now the boyfriend and I will have a fab vacation! 

Well, as you can imagine, I start panicking. This is going to be bad, very very bad. Being away in a foreign country, with a relatively small group of people and unlimited alcoholic beverages... I smell disaster and it smells awkward. For months, all that kept running through my mind was yelling and fighting and crying, and ultimately a lot of awkward conversation and a ruined vacation. Now, you might ask why the bride and groom would put us in this situation? Well they are both very good friends with this ex, and they introduced me to him AND the current boyfriend. Apparently they’re my cupids and I can’t find a boy who likes me without them. So I couldn’t very well blame them for wanting to have all of their good friends attend their wedding.

BUT this story does have a happy ending! The ex ended up getting a new job and not being able to take the week off from work. (Thank you cosmic gods!) So crisis is averted, and I can now go back to bikini shopping and getting giddy about my vacation.

Unfortunately I don’t have any advice for how to handle this awkward situation, if any of you are unlucky enough to find yourself in the same boat. The only advice I can give is: Don’t date your friends’ friends.

Rawkward = avoided! 

Lost in Textlation

So you’re texting this guy, getting your flirt on and laying out your best lines, you think everything is headed straight for relationship-land when you find out that you misread “you’re cute” for “I love you”. It’s the age-old tale of being lost in textlation, the awkward moment when you realize that you’ve misread the signs and are on completely different pages – or different books entirely. You think the relationship is going somewhere, while he thinks it’s just casual flir-texting. I have to be honest, I stole the term ‘lost in textlation’ from Jimmy, but I think his video sums up this situation perfectly. (*if you’re easily offended by vulgar language – don’t watch this)

I think that everyone has experienced this awkward situation of misread texts. If you think you haven’t, you have, you just didn’t realize it … sorry. I think the general rule of thumb for everyone is to try not to assume things, because we all know what happens when we assume … Try to play it cool and not read too deeply into texts, it’s difficult to tell a person’s tone and voice through texting, and ever harder to figure out sarcasm and humour (without putting tons of little emoticons – guilty – but try not to use those, you’re a grown up). An even better tactic? Have conversations in person! I know it’s a revolutionary concept, but try it. It just might reduce the amount of awkward in your life, and maybe you’ll finally find that special someone who really does mean “I love you”. 

Believe in Boxer Briefs

 Let me set the scene for you;

marry me. 

You’ve been seeing this certain someone for quite a while now … he’s attractive, intelligent and the perfect gentleman (I’m picturing Ryan Gosling right now, you can insert your own fantasy). After weeks of dates and cuddling you’ve finally decided to stop torturing him, and let him spend the night. Everything is in place and the mood is set. You’re looking like a rocket and channeling your inner VS Angel, and then he drops his pants and it’s all over … bright yellow Bart Simpson boxers.

“Uhm, actually I have this really big English essay due tomorrow, I have to do it now.”

  … “Now?”

“Yes, right now, you have to leave.”

There is nothing worse, or more awkward, than a man who has no idea (or just doesn’t care) what type of undergarments are age appropriate. He could be perfect, a-la the Ryan Gosling fantasy I described above, but if he doesn’t wear the right underwear it’s just not gonna happen, and getting out of that situation is loads of awkward… trust me. So I think the best way to tackle this is to educate our men on what is, and what isn’t, appropriate. 

Here is my chart of age appropriate underwear choices:

Age 2-11: briefs/tighty-whiteys

Age 12-18: boxers (get all the Bart Simpson boxers you want boys)

Age 19-39: boxer briefs (the only thing appropriate for an adult man with any kind of sex appeal)

Age 40-60: boxers

Age 61+: briefs/tightey-whiteys (see, it all comes full circle)

See what I mean? 

I mean, women spends tons of money on the perfect lingerie, always matching and seasonally appropriate, so is it too much to ask that my boyfriend just wear boxer briefs? I don’t think so.

good luck ladies. 

Fight or Flight?

So I have this friend; she’s gorgeous, smart, and the sweetest girl you’ll ever meet. Her one problem? She is beyond awkward when running into exes. Whether she was the heart breaker or the break-ee, it doesn’t matter. She turns into a stuttering, red-faced ball of awkward whenever she has to interact with an ex.

I think a lot of us can relate to this feeling though. By the time your eyes lock and you both realize what’s happening, it’s too late. The decision must be made whether to put your head down and retreat in the other direction, or mutter some niceties and make up some excuse to leave as quickly as possible. Either way it’s an awkward situation.

First of all, I’m going to say never ever take the Katy Perry approach…

Personally, I take these encounters on a case-by-case basis. If it’s one of the exes that I’ve used my secret break-up tactic on, then sure I’ll stop and make a little small talk, finding that escape route as quickly as possible and sauntering off in an “eat your heart out” kind of way. Because honestly, if we’ve broken up I don’t care how your mom is, I don’t care how school is going, and I don’t care about your new girlfriend that you’re so eager to babble on about. The other option is the quick, head down and bolt in the other direction method, but I don’t like to run away with my tail between my legs unless it’s absolutely necessary. A sure fire way to tell if it’s necessary? He broke up with you in front of a crowd, you left some kind of undergarment at his house and never saw him again, or you just can’t remember his name for the life of you. These, and other similar scenarios, call for a fast getaway.

So it’s really up to you, and how you want to play it. But make sure whichever you choose, you do it fast, nothing is worse than the obvious deliberation over whether to react or retreat … only to see him put his head down and bolt in the other direction … rawkward!