Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Ugly Babies Are Real!


This is my general mentality when it comes to babies: I love them, and all kids in general, they say and do the most ridiculous things and are always good for a cuddle or a laugh. BUT the thing I love most about babies? After you’re done playing with them, teaching them dirty words, and feeding them sugary treats... you can pass them back to their parents and go home to your cat and poop-free apartment.

that's me on the far left ... yep.
As I’m getting to that age where everyone thinks it’s a good idea to start procreating (fyi, it’s not) I’ve been thinking a lot about babies. Now, babies aren’t awkward ... I don’t think babies can really be awkward, or feel awkward. Yes, there is definitely an awkward stage; I went through it two times over. But I don’t think babies are awkward because they don’t understand that when they pull down mommy’s shirt in front of a crowd that it’s super awkward for her... they’re babies.

BUT what is awkward, is when someone has an ugly baby. Now everyone can hate me for saying that a baby is ugly, but whether you admit it or not, everyone has encountered one tragic looking baby. Now, this isn’t to say that this child with be stricken with the ugly stick their whole life. I’ve seen a lot of my friend’s baby photos, and some of them were downright ugly, but they’ve grown up to be gorgeous individuals.

So when you meet your friend/relative/coworkers little bundle of joy for the first time, and it looks like an ape-human hybrid sent to earth to eat your soul, what do you do? Obviously you have to be prepared for this type of situation, because you start all “aaaawwwwww omg let me see herrrrr” and then you quickly recoil with a “ ... oh, oh no” and that can never end well. I haven’t asked any of my friends with babies yet, but I can imagine that someone wouldn’t take it very well if they could tell that you thought their child was ugly.

me and daddy-o ... things started looking up!
So the only way to safely get out of this situation rawkward free is to be prepared. Admit that yes, babies can be ugly, and be prepared for the day when you encounter the ugly baby. Quickly change the subject to mom (or dad) and ask how they’re coping, if they’ve slept, how busy they are, how exciting being a new parent is ... blah blah blah etc etc. Obviously in your head the entire time you’re thinking “omg stop looking at me ugly baby!” But the important thing is that the parents never know how you truly feel.

For the record, I’m not referencing any of my friends’ babies... your baby is, of course, adorable. 

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