It's Not Me, It's You...

Almost everyone has experienced a breakup. Whether you’re the breaker or the break-ee; it’s uncomfortable, it’s emotional, and it’s definitely awkward!

Sometimes I think I might be heartless. 

I think the awkward factor is definitely more prevalent when you’re the breaker rather than the break-ee. I can only speak from personal experience, but every time someone has broken up with me I become a melodramatic mess! There’s the crying and the shock (obviously, like why would you want to break up with me?!) and the embarrassment, of course. So I’ve decided that being broken up with is definitely more embarrassing than it is awkward, and being the heart breaker is when the situation gets a bit rawkward!

When you break up with someone, you kind of have to rehearse it in your head or with your friends beforehand. You know you’re going to be asked “why?” and you better have a damn good reason so there’s no chance for them to swoop in with the “we can make it work, let’s just try!” … no. The whole “it’s not you it’s me” thing is completely overdone, and we all know it’s definitely the other way around, if you were so awesome I wouldn’t be breaking up with you! And that’s when the whole situation gets rawkward, because they’re standing there all upset and unattractive and you’re trying to figure out an escape route. Now all of this may make me sound like a heartless soul sucker, but I’m really not … I just get uncomfortable when boys cry and act pathetic.

So I’ve discovered a way to break up with someone in a way where there’s no crying, they don’t hate you afterwards, and it makes the situation a little bit less awkward. It’s actually very simple, all you have to do is play it in a way where they think the break up is on their terms. Now you might be confused by this statement, but let me explain with a few of my favourite lines; “I can tell the relationship hasn’t been the same lately”, “I’m holding you back”, “You deserve to see what else is out there so you know what really makes you happy” … and finally you finish off with the “I understand if you want to break up” … BAM suddenly THEY think that they’re breaking up with YOU … done. Now you might think that this all sounds a little too easy, but honestly this method is tried, tested and true. It works like a charm every single time, and completely takes the awkwardness out of the situation! All you have to do is act all sad and solemn, but understanding. So ya it might still be awkward for them, but in your head you’re all “hehehe as if you would break up with me” and it completely takes the rawkward out of your day. PLUS every time they see you they’re all nice and sweet because they think they broke your heart … win, win.

Now what if you change your mind and you want them back? Well I’ve found that it’s pretty easy because hey, they never really wanted to break up with you in the first place right?!

Now let’s just hope none of my exes read this blog … rawkward! 

... and if this plan really doesn't work ... you can always try Jenna Marbles' "The Face" 

Why Rawkward?

When I decided to write a blog the question of a topic perplexed me for quite some time… what do I know about well enough to write about on a blog? Jenelle’s latest prison escapades on Teen Mom? How to get glitter out of my hair? How to not look like a flesh-eating zombie on zero hours of sleep? Although I do have expertise in these areas, none of them seemed like a worthy blog topic.

Then it hit me; the one thing I know I can babble on about for hours on end ... awkward situations. We’ve all experienced an awkward situation or two (read 10 thousand) in our lives, and we always look back and think of ways that we could have handled them better. Well I’ve decided to share with the world my most awkward encounters, so that if you may find yourself in a similar situation, you’ll be able to handle them like a pro.

Let me begin by sharing my earliest memory of an awkward situation:

I’m a five-year-old little girl preparing to dance in her first ballet recital. I’m giddy as can be, decked out in a pink tutu and hair perfectly coifed in a sock bun (before sock buns were cool). When it’s my cue, I spring onto the stage and prance around without a care in the world. I may recall grazing a few other girls, and hey maybe I didn’t really know the steps, but no one noticed right? Wrong. When I went into the audience after the show, I spotted my mother (looking mortified) and I felt the stares and giggles from the other parents in the audience. Apparently I had blundered around that stage trampling little girls like a Bulldozer trampling flowers.

My mother handled the situation like any parent would; awkwardly apologizing as little girls ran to their parents crying. Then hurrying me out of there and never looking back. My dance career was effectively over before it had begun. Looking back, if I were my mother I think I would have handled it differently.  I would like to think that I would have just kept on cheering and clapping, and maybe not have crushed my daughter’s ballerina dreams so quickly… because confidence is key right?  But hey, it was the early nineties, and that sh** was cray, so I don’t hold it against her.

For me this situation was definitely awkward … for my mother? Rawkward!

Unfortunately all of my own ballerina photos have been lost (or possibly burned). But I imagine they may have looked something like this.